What's in a Name?

Everything if you ask me. It’s your identity, your personality, your confidence, your future. Some people don’t take it quite as seriously as I do; it’s just about having a cute name or the name you always loved. Sometimes, tho when you look at those names you find out that it means something awful.

In the quest for our child’s name, San Francisco and I found out that Brendan… as in Brendon Fraiser the cute actor…. means ‘smelly hair’ !!!! Can you believe that? Not that we were thinking about naming our kid Brendan, way to common for my taste, but still. There are a bunch of kids running around named Smelly Hair. The same thing with Trina…. Yes it’s a variation on Katrina, but in French ‘la trine’ is the toilet and that’s just too close for comfort.

I must say, naming Snot Face was so much easier. I didn’t really have to consult AND agree with anyone. My family had their input, but it was all my decision. I tend to like less traditional names, but strong and full of meaning. A name that will stand out in a stack of 100 resumes from various Johns, Julies, Davids and Dianas, but not quite as crazy as celebrity choices like Rumor or Apple.

San Francisco, however, likes the Johns and Dianas. Then there’s the input from friends and family. This gets hilarious, but is good to have. At one point I was considering Gaia for a girl (means earth in Greek). I think it’s gorgeous. My girlfriend is Samoan and she informed me that it sounds like the Samoan word for ‘shitty’. Taking into consideration that I live and interact with a lot of Samoans, I decided I’d better not use this one. Which makes me sad, but it’s best.

The flipside is that another rather outspoken girlfriend seems to have an aversion to ‘Ls’ and ‘Ss’ in boy’s names, she thinks it sounds weak. Well, all our choices for boys contain at least one or both of these letters, but she is set on getting me and San Francisco to move to her way of thinking…. Ain’t gonna happen! This short list was too hard for us to come up with.

My favorite family input came before we really started looking at names, from San Francisco’s mom during her visit. We were discussing types of names and where I got Snot Face’s, what about biblical?... heck no… how about my brother’s name… no, I don’t like naming after people….

“Really,” she said, “but if it was a boy, you would name it after his father, right?”
“No, Mamma Z, I would not.”

“Well, why not?” she got indignant, “I knew all along what his name was gonna be. What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing is wrong with it, Mamma Z,” and I repeated, “I just don’t like naming after people, it’s not original. Plus, it would get confusing around here.”

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with it? I think it’s a perfect name.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” I had to get out of it, and then I thought... San Francisco has a dad and I piped in, “but what was wrong with Jerry?”

Oh Good God

So San Francisco’s mother was visiting and the topic of our getting hitched came up, as it has almost every time we announce the news of Baby.

“So you guys are never planning on getting married?” She says.

“I wouldn’t say never, but let’s just get through having this baby.”

“But the baby needs both parents.”

I remind her that Baby has both parents, as San Francisco and I have been living together for a year and a half, been together for going on four years and don’t plan on breaking up anytime soon.

“But if something happens,” she hesitates, “if he messes up, what’s to keep you from just taking the baby and leaving.”

“Well,” should I or shouldn’t I… I should, “He has messed up plenty all ready and I’m still here. If he messes up again a marriage certificate is not going to stop me from leaving….. “

I pause.

“In fact, if we were married and he messed up, I would probably be more likely to leave.”

“Uh huh….”

She pauses.

“Well what about what God says?” She asks.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not religious. I just don’t have one. I was raised Christian, and as an adult, I’ve decided that it just doesn’t work for me. I’ll spare you all the rest of just how I feel because, truly, I can go on and on and get more technical, but it won’t be pleasant and I’ve learned that this topic makes people quite uncomfortable. Because of this, ever since I met San Francisco’s mother two and a half years ago, I’ve been instructed to simply say ‘no I don’t belong to a church.’ So how am I supposed to get out of this one?

Logic is my friend… yes?

“Plenty of people get married who DON’T believe in god. I don’t think we should take such a step because someone says that’s what god wants us to do.”

“Uh huh.” She looks back at her book.

Whew, that was close. I’ve begun to break a bit of a sweat…. Oh wait… No, no logic is not my friend.

A couple minutes go by and she breaks in with….

“Well, are you guys going to baptize the baby?”

WHOOOOAAAAA!!!! What happened to marriage?!?!?!? I search my brain for a clever answer.

“Baptize, I thought you guys were Catholic.” She gives look that just shows what I know, “You know, we haven’t talked about it.”

“Well do you believe in God?”

Oh, shit! Not the direct question. Anyone who knows me also knows that if you ask me a direct question I answer with the direct truth. It’s like someone cast a “Liar Liar” spell on me. I squirm in my chair…. Try to hold it back …. Nope, can’t do it…. Deep sigh.....

“No, I don’t.”

Now this, of course, opens up a whole can of ‘well I don’t know where he turned from God’….. “I gave him a good Catholic education’….. All to me implying that I’m some sort of harlot who is pushing San Francisco into the depths of hell.

Well, not so much. I tried to assure her that I haven’t swayed her poor unwitting son away from the lord god, that he knows how I feel, and I know how he feels, and told her that if she has any concerns over her son’s soul, she should simply talk to him.

The exchange between San Francisco and I has focused on a different issue. …. Alliance.